Note : I miss you my dearest best friend. Please forgive me for what I’ve done. 😦
If this is my confession, I hope everyone would not start to fire me with the most feared mantra this year’ “When are you going to get married?”
I love kids. I don’t know why, but I smiled when I look at them. I wasn’t like this couple of years back. Ok, I lied. I developed this feeling when I know Amelia. She’s 2 years old. She’s a cute girl, a daughter of my former employee. And it was like 6 months back. She looks cute, despite her grumpiness and squealing voice, but she looks adorable to me. When I was in Australia, I live in the same house with Amelia. I watched her wake up in the morning, having breakfast, lunch and dinner together. I thought it was normal to adore little kids. I used to say they’re cute when they’re still small children. Who knows what kind of problem they will bring home when they’re 16? I know, I know, what a typical young man I am. Save your slap and flame for now.
After a couple of weeks, I’m getting closer to Amelia. I spoon fed her if the parents not around, I help her wearing her clothes after shower, I changed her diapers, I accompanied her when she wants to walk around the farm, even I play with her green frog! I was like giving myself to her in many ways. I started to realize the soft side of me, the feeling to love someone that’s mine. At some point, I think about what happened to me. Not that I regret of being a soft hearted man. I think of the possibility that if someday I can really love my kids like I love Amelia. Would I give my best to my kids, like the same way I treat Amelia? To be honest, I am not a kind of person that wants to share with everyone. I mean, if I love Amelia, she’ll be the one. I used to think there will be no substitute to Amelia. I guess that’s what you called loyalty?
Now you have all the reason in the world to threat me to kidnap Amelia, after Georgie.
One day, Amelia called me DADDY. I look at her in confuse, trying to realize if I am in a sane state of mind. Why you call me daddy, I asked. She said, I love you, DADDY. I guess it’s just her being nonsense. Why would she want two daddies? I’m afraid I took her away from her father then. Witnessing her getting closer to me day by day, I developed this father thingy. I felt angry if her dad smack her, or yell at her. I’m happy to see her jumping on my bed every morning. I sat next to her when she’s watching her educational DVDs. Is that what you called father instinct?
I remember my last day in Australia. She didn’t want to give me her usual big hug and big kiss. She insisted that she will see me next week. The fact is she will never see me in a very long time after that. I quit the job, and there’s no easy way for me to hug her, and carry her around anymore. I shed some tears that time, and don’t know whether that’s a sign of happiness or sadness. I was eager to come back to Malaysia that time, but then I don’t want to leave her. My dearest best friend told me that I would miss her everyday. She’s right. I miss Amelia.
Back in Labuan, I met new born Sabrina, my aunty daughter. I never called a kid sayang, but I did it this time. I would see her everyday before I go to office. Even when I was in KK recently, I called Syasya’s mobile phone, Sabrina’s older sister if she wants anything. She asked for pink notebook and a ring. Without hesitate, I bought it. Make it two for each, because there’s Alyn as well, another sibling in Sasya and Sabrina life. Again, there I was, realizing that I never bought anything for them. Is that a sign that I will spoil my kids in the future because I just simply buy what they’ve requested?
Then there’s another siblings, Daus and Fatihah. I haven’t met them for many years, because they moved to Kuala Lumpur after their parents divorced and now they moved back to Labuan. I’m glad they still know me. During my first visit, Daus jumped and yelled my name, and hug me really tight. Whenever I come to their place, Fatihah will sit on my lap, and Daus will sit next to me. I will ask Daus if his homework already done, how’s the school today, does anyone hurt you, does your friend treat you well. Fatihah, I will ask her if she’s fine, if she’s already had her lunch, if she feels happy. I guess I took too much care of them, when one day Daus suddenly asked me if I can be their dad. Oh my God! I was speechless, and immediately changed the topic by taking out my phone and show them the game I’ve installed.
Perhaps most of you come up with conclusions right now. I know I wrote too much this time. Perhaps this would effect your conclusion as well, because I write too long when expressing my honest opinion. But if you still insist to ask me, “When are you going to get married?” I would say I’m not ready for husband and wife relationship.
P/S : Your baby will look cute if you put a nice baby clothes on them. 😉